Grieve Black Man Grieve...It's OK to cry

Many of the men of the Central Valley Black Men Table Talk (BMTT) healing circle are parents of minors and/or college aged students. The week of Monday, August 17th we took a break from Black Men Table Talk so that we could adjust to the realities of a new academic year in the mist of the COVID-19 pandemic.

The week of Monday, August 24 I was feeling spiritually grounded, physically and emotionally healthy. So, I began to contemplate the pros and cons of taking a week off from Black Men Table Talk. Then, my wife gave me a subtle heads up about another event, breaking news a Black man was allegedly shot 7 times by law enforcement in Wisconsin. I chose not to gather any further details on this particular night. The next day, in my role as a mental health provider, I found myself sitting with a client in her pain and distress. As she spoke, I began to hear a little bit more about the events in Wisconsin. As I listened to this young adult, I strengthened my therapeutic alliance with her, normalized her pain, validated her feelings, provided emotional support, offered words of encouragement, and instilled a greater sense of hope in her ability to cope, build courage and resilience.

It has been three months since myself and America were traumatized by the murder of George Floyd in police custody, five months since Breonna Taylor was murdered as law-enforcement busted in her apartment, six months since Ahmaud Arbury was killed while going for a jog in a residential area. These are the traumatizing, emotionally charged events that motivated be to get involved with Black Men Table Talk. Now, the circumstances surrounding the shooting and hospitalization of Jeff Blake by law enforcement are in the national spotlight.

As a middle-aged black man, husband, father, healthcare professional, small business owner and leader I am struggling with trauma, anxiety, grief, loss, and negative stress like most people. The following are some coping skills I find to be helpful during this time of uncertainty and civil unrest:

· Deepening my personal relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior by spending time in prayer and bible study

· practicing open, honest, and transparent communication with my wife.

· Engaging my daughter in play.

· being emotionally available and responsive to the needs of both my wife and daughter

· listening to inspirational music

· exercising regularly

· monitoring my daily blood sugar levels and A1C as a diabetic

· being conscientious about my eating habits

· clarifying and focusing on main priorities

· being productive at work

· using judicious self-disclosure with clients when it is clinically indicated

· practicing the art of saying “no”

· Reading

· Writing

· Serving on a board of a local non-profit

· Limiting how much news I watch and time spent on social media

And of course, participating in Black Men Table Talk of the Central Valley.

I would like to take this moment to say “thank you” to my colleague Gidai Maaza, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who facilitated last weeks group, and each of the guys for creating a environment where I could be vulnerable and release raw emotions. Following check ins, and moments of silence I broke out into tears as I processed emotions related to the harsh realities of systemic racism and oppression, and the pervasive problem of police brutality against people of color. I was not planning on that happening, and there was a part of me that felt embarrassed and ashamed because I was wailing in front of black men.

But these men normalized my pain, validated my feelings, provided me with emotional support, offered me words of encouragement, and instilled in me a greater sense of my ability to cope, build courage and resilience. I am eternally grateful for the character, trust, brotherhood, and vulnerability of this group.

When is the last time you had a good cry?

Did you have anyone who share those moments with?

Do you need to improve or strengthen your support system?

How are you coping with the demands of reality in your life?

I am reminded of the words of the apostle Paul to the Church in Rome:

Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep

If you are interested in learning more out Black Men Table Talk of the Central Valley you can email group facilitator DaRell Murray at 1rell559@gmail.com or Gidai Maaza at gmaaza23@gmail.com

BE ENCOURAGED!!!

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About Jamal Jones, LMFT

Jamal is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Private Practice. He obtained his Masters of Science degree in Counseling: Marriage, Family and Child Therapy from the University of Phoenix. He is a former Division 1 student athlete, pastor, men’s ministry leader, regional director for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA), and Fresno State football team Chaplain. Jamal is experienced working with individuals who struggle with serious mental illness, substance abuse, addictions, depression and other mood disorders, anxiety, perpetrators, victims and families of domestic violence and other crimes. you can learn more about Jamal and his practice at www.centralvalleychristiancounsel.com